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Decoding Healthy Tech Use Parent Event 3/25/21

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Parent Event 3/25/21

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and I think we're going here okay cool awesome the welcome everyone I think I'm a good place to start would be made with a prayer then I I think with everything that's happening in the world with the amount of Stress and Anxiety that's on people's minds I thought a prayer around here monstrosity be appropriate for today so I would like to join me the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit amen loving God please grant me peace of mind and strength to fight purpose and walk the path you've laid out for me I trust your love God and know that you you will guide me through these moments of stress just as the sun rises each day against the Dark of the night amen the name of the Father the Son and the Holy Spirit amen so again welcomes everyone thanks for joining I think we're all for answers during this. Of time and Technologies taking quite the central role that much more now with zoom especially and Technology just having more of a presence are classrooms and whatnot so creating Solutions is very challenging so given some of the feedback that I've gotten in and some of the needs that I've heard I thought this would be really appropriate so very excited to open up some dialogue around this and today I have three really great therapist from 2 from Northbrook and one from DePaul University that are experienced with working with kids around media regulation and a host of other issues related to that before I introduce them I'll just kind of run through the outline that I thought would be the other one for what the steps were going to take so again I'll describe some of our panelists or three panelists what they do for a living and their specialization with early early adolescence all the way up to tweens and teenagers Diamond of a kind of pass the mic over to our our panelist will speak for probably 10 to 20 minutes each depending on who they are and then at the end of likes 10:30 I was thinking we could do a Q&A or just if you wanted to comment on a specific strategy or part of the presentation that would be great so maybe like timer for four or five questions or comments I know if you would be so kind of the end we have like a like a five or six questions survey so that would be really great if you would mind selling it out for us with that said first I like to introduce dr. Martha Mason dr. Mason again while I have an interview at DePaul University she oversees counseling work the education and Counseling Center that UCC and supervises the interns there in peaches in the counseling programs at the Paul and also at North Park University find the eccr referred for various sources from various sources around Chicagoland including CPS and Catholic schools she has a fair amount of experience with a lot of kind of kids that come from Northbrook but there's another tend to be more in Chicago counseling services that she provides focus on increasing young people's personal strengths resiliency and coping skills to manage life challenges that UCC also provides educational opportunities for families regarding team development communication and media usage that's our first panelist dr. Mason I'll head to therapist from Northbrook Lindsay Raul who is a Child and Adolescent therapist she has a huge heart she is so passionate working with young kids and teens I believe she also works with some some keeping high school as well occasionally but she is a associate marriage and family therapist who works with early Adolescence in tweens behavioral issues I'm trauma anger management anxiety depression self-acceptance and just different life cycle changes so those would look like or those might be some changes in a school environment family changes relationship changes and Lindsay as worked with foster care kids as well and I'm in a very in various levels of education so preschool home after high school and last but certainly not least we have Carly Hudson Carly is a licensed social worker who works with children adolescents and young adults at Inspire counseling she graduated from the University of Chicago where she received extensive training and helping young people process and heal from traumatic Life Experiences wow childhood trauma work is her passion she also partners with individuals as they cope with the effects of anxiety depression family separation grief life life Transitions and low self-esteem Carly are values addressing an individual's needs mind body and spirit so Carly and Lindsay both working Inspire Counseling Center which is located on Dundee Road in Northbrook and I believe they also have a location in Kenilworth so they're definitely pretty present in in and around the North Shore so with that I said a lot right there so maybe Carly do you find kind of chicken  off absolutely well thank you so much for having us Lindsey and I both feel very fortunate to be with you all tonight and I'm Kirk and reached out to us about kind of addressing technology used with and kind of Ages 5 to 10 so though Lindsay and I do see some older clients and are familiar with their challenges were predominantly going to focus on some younger children tonight so I believe I will share my screen with you all and we have a little bit of a Point presentation to go over as we talked about some of these experiences if you all give you host privileges right now yeah should be able to alright let's get this let's see if I can get this in full screen I'm Lindsay I tweet you really don't use then we have like a different hipaa-compliant platform so I feel I'm learning how to do this all over again here we go. Will you bring awesome so like I said Wednesday night were going to come you talking about the challenges for children ages and 5 to 10, Lee tonight I'm having all of the challenges one moment I feel like probably all of you fell as parents in the early stages of the pandemic as we were navigating all the tech challenges no worries all right let's go are you able to see that so I can see it the other people can't hear right okay I think we will will try this one more time how about now so get a wonderful so like I was just mentioning the pandemic has been really really difficult you all as parents and your children as well have had to adapt and many ways to technology Zoom was prior to the pandemic so obviously over the last year we have seen a vast increase in the amount of time that we are we are all spinning on screen phones or laptops TV time when the world shut down and we couldn't be together we had to move online so we saw a vast increase in screen time for a lot of us that results in some major screen fatigue whether that's like physically having sensation such as headaches or just feeling this lowered sense of of mood those are some of the things that come along with this screen 15. Many of us are experiencing a problem only if it weren't for covid-19 ever been to st. Norbert but we'd all probably be gathered in some form of like Auditorium or gathering space so we are all very familiar with the various adaptations that we had to make over the last year an interesting piece I've seen especially in the young people that we work with is this increased sense of body image concerns that can come from a plethora of different reasons but one of the biggest ones were skiing is our children are spending a lot of time on their technology is the weather an enzyme for class or anything like that they've been maybe a little square where they're looking at themselves all the time and I don't know about you but I'm not used to seeing myself on a screen full time so we've seen many challenges in the young people that we work and what can I continue to talk about those tonight so what are the trending Tech platforms that many of our young people are using so you all as parents you're probably experts on these as well because your young people are using them I'm but from what Lindsey and I try to pull together we see a lot of are you spending time on Tik Tok Snapchat Instagram house party which is assembly like a larger platform where you can kind of FaceTime with lots of people on YouTube Every Move it over to the video game sector we see a lot of kids spending time on games like Roblox Minecraft fortnite in Among Us and I think being a therapist I learned all of the things about these games as you are probably do as parents on because our young people spending a lot of time on these Tik Tok certainly has been the biggest one that we've seen can an offset since the pandemic and that has its own unique challenges compared to some other social media platforms that will go into a little late still you're probably wondering what are some of the signs of unhealthy technology use in my child some of the main ones that Lindsey and I see show up in the therapeutic 1 or either the children or their parents reporting that there's technology uses interfering with sleep that they maybe have a decreased desire to exercise that we noticed that maybe some grades are whipping or homework assignments are slipping because your young child is spending a lot of time on YouTube or playing a different game we also see challenges and in teens especially your children after the pandemic are really used to communicating on screen and so reintegrating themselves in stock face-to-face connection has been rather challenging another big thing that we see is that many children and young people are using technology as a a means through which take a nom avoid or Escape their emotions or maybe some challenging experiences and to some agree as adults we can validate you know that I was really upset and flooded you need to just maybe I can stop by calling timeout times we see maybe even in ourselves as well as in our young child this pull towards spending hours upon hours on a piece of technology in order to maybe avoid a distressing homework assignment or maybe to numb falling fight with a parent or caregiver or a sibling so that's a big challenge that Lindsey and I seen our work with Children and Families another sign of unhealthy Technologies being children complaining that you're unhappy or bored when they don't access to technology so that might look like some resistance and temper tantrums when screen time limits or set or maybe I'm depending on your family if technology has allowed me to dinner table or not increase resistance frustration sense of boredom whenever that technology is not around do some of the ways in which we see technology influencing the mint health of young people I'm so as I mentioned at the beginning where we see the kind of comorbidity of covid-19 to concerns and technology-related concern we see increased feelings of low self-esteem in young people especially as that relates to comparison so on social media specifically maybe at your child might be seeing and capturing different ideals related to body image diet culture size those are some of the things that we see young people being inundated with Gwen at her office another thing has been an increase in the presence of cyberbullying I might have many clients that come into my office saying that they hate accounts made about them or their fur on these Platforms in the social and emotional impact of that alone on a child or even on a family that can be really devastating and challenging to we also see a difficult see I'm an increased difficulty in concentrating Tik Tok has been the queen of this I'm and I'm not sure how familiar you are with parents and your parents are with you but constantly populates new content for you do on your child's for you page on which is the page through which their content is uploaded it never ends so I often meet with young people whose will say they sent three four hours rolling on Tik Tok because their car something being given new content new information to digest and so maybe we we sit down and do some homework later or talking with the family or friends and their candy this difficulty in concentrating or if this increased ability through which children lose their interest in things because when on Tik Tok I'm or other social media platforms are constantly being reinforced with new information and we also see an increase in sedentary behavior when children are spending long periods of time on any form of screen or technology and that sedentary Behavior can lead to further physical health challenges and we all know that can relate to further mental health challenges movement is a really important piece of us to regulating our minds their bodies and so those are kind of some of the social impacts of EC additionally on the emotional side we see a significant we seen a significant increase in lower. and motivation for children so maybe spending lots of time on a screen though it may be fun that's not connection and I can lead to feelings of isolation for young people which leads to some of the ceilings lowered mood or sense of motivation I sent it again I'll pray I said it before and I'll say it again but we've seen this is a sense of a decrease of self-worth children comparing themselves and weather Labrador a person that has  on their math class many young people are comparing themselves to these ideals that are portrayed in in games or on social media into that same point we've seen an the occasional decrease in overall life satisfaction oh my friend Susie like. This for for Christmas I'm so jealous I feel so upset with my life and I wish I have these things because of the vast amount of content that children have access to you we seen this this decrease in overall life satisfaction at times now that they are aware of maybe what others have or are doing oh I was invited to this friend hang out I feel sad and if I add this time I'm going to hand the Talking Stick over to Lindsey who is going to share a little bit more now that I've Matthew a lot of the challenging impacts of Technology use she's going to share with you about some of the coping strategies we have to offer you all as well as what it looks like just that some some boundaries and establish balance with you and your child thank you Carly that was awesome to start us off just really focusing on that healthy technology use I think it's just a common agreement that technology the digital age is going to be with us from here on out it's when you changing frequently it's a part of our Lives apart of our kids lives and just making the best out of it was hoping probably got healthy balance aiming for balance there's just a healthy amount of check to use with also being active in present without using technology content is key 2 hours and YouTube is not the same as 2 hours of online game is teaching a new language or able to connect with friends or family or there's a big difference argument between your how long should my kid be staying on the computer the cell phone iPad and they're looking at how is it benefiting them how are they in Iraq encouraging heads like to new screen come away that builds creativity in connection with family and friends and such a hard year were isolated from their families and kids haven't seen their grandparents or aunts and uncles mine's almost a year now encourage creative ways to maybe create online cards and the family members if you doing some FaceTime having family members like learn a new game so many apps now you can play like Candy Lane Connect Four and do different interactive games of family members and friends that maybe you don't have the ability to be seeing family-friendly video games that are also a boy here it's called Wipeout create & crash I'm actually gets the whole family involved the whole family gets moving at The Great Wave so not like connect with your kids but show that technology can be a really positive thing that also helps really encourage a limo screen time before I think Carly and I we both see if so me sleep struggle sleep with in the practice and a lot of main questions that we ask is what is that bedtime routine looking at are you allowed access to your phone or your iPad I'm some kids report that they like to watch ticktocker play Candy Crush or be on Roblox up until the time they fall asleep but there's so many studies and research shows that there really should be a just a good transition . 3060 minutes before that you know kind of letting your brain take that break on that screen time I really helps improve sleep and prove peace and just like a sense of that Mind and Body Connection to the transitions for a good night sleep curling your Ableton X for me thank you I said hobby work with it the first one just making check a Bonnie experience I know it's so easy for parents to have their emails their friends that they want to text with their social media site of kids are on their iPad doing your own thing but there are actually a lot of games in a lot of sites where you can connect with your child talking with him about you know what they're looking at and if there's an opportunity for me to play the game with them talking Pasley about screen so I was a benefit off screenplay for instance I know it's so easy to be like you're always on your phone or you know what how about try being present with us or initially jumping to that she knew you're blaming stage what is taking a minute to be like to know what that game looks really interesting how about you tell me about it or I'm so happy that you're getting to talk to Stacy so much it seems like you've been connecting a lot recently how about inviting her over for play day or eating at the park mechanical Destroyer next point of connecting for correcting and Carly and I inside this so much in our practice this actually can be a tough for parents to use not only which u.s. purchase anything in life and you time me next. Balance or encourage of Correction really just lean into that connection piece for sleeping. I am so happy that you love this game it looks like you're really good at your wife looks like a great way to connect with friends we're also going to need to find somebody on your screen time is up if that's too hard for you to hand over the iPad I'm more than happy to take it from you the options yours to really lean side connection piece before I do not correction usually helps. is she back from Dad's and then validate the pool your child feels towards technology as well as it's growing up in this age of tech that's so different from the time you're growing up growing up Thursday that your two year olds know how to work on iPad 2 phones better than their life and how important is it how often they're using it remind children about the family tackles before and during screen time on this one can be a huge it's so easy to be like know we've talked about this so many times using a jump inside negative stage but really find me can't find maybe have like a family game night where you sit down and like that out paint and color pencils and markers and really write down all the rules are rules and they're also not comes with a balance I'm have somewhere in the house maybe that's near the computer screen I'm near the TV room and then that transition. So let's say you pick the kids up from school and you're on the way home that could be a great opportunity be like okay you know my kind about to get home today how about you just real quick remind me of what the tech rules are for tonight or what the screen time limit rules for tonight in those moments sting on that same page and if they get low the game or get really intrigued with their friends and just kind of lose track of time I'ma doesn't hurt to remind them of the rules bother using technology and slapped and then I know you're having so much fun. I know it's been so great for you to spend time with new gym on this video game this afternoon I'm so happy that you're having a blast but in 10 minutes your screen time is up before leading tell you no boundary teach spaces text faces burst sleep spaces this is huge I know Carly and I are a lot going to go and back to the sleep really separating you know if your cat is wanting to be on their iPad the younger phone watch TV having that BS space and from where they sleep I'm really limiting the time up there on your phone or iPad or watching TV in bed there's just so many study is no way like they're bringing the body connects I'm a really just separate text faces and sleep spaces definitely a healthy boundary and it's also easier to come limit that time when about 30 to 60 Minute Gap okay like you know about 60 minutes until bedtime how about we tell a story picture doing something that doesn't end screen time and then my next point is be a role model they know this one is super tough at leading by example but your children they really are watching you they are learning the other First Impressions in their first meal previous balance you watching how you use your technology and another big eat for attention and time of therapy inside your phone or email their calls their work in their parents got me to be like you know what it's dinner time try putting my phone in the basket you guys want to follow me along and put your phone in the basket right after me or there was one of family walk I'm a star by Leon putting my phone with you just encouraging Waiting by that example and then next may be uncomfortable for you if this is not come in your house will but this point is so important and we're definitely seeing that's a lot in our practice but be prepared to talk to your child about  sexuality is self-harm disordered eating all these topics are from now on all levels of the check world is maybe something that you like okay well I'm not going to talk to me again until they're like 12 but the chances are in mushroom really have we monitoring they are seeing that's on Tik Tok Instagram even on Roblox my different Minecraft games there's levels of this infused even if you're not seeing it right away because they're usually learning about these topics know from social media before their learning about it from their parents so just have a good guideline of talking about these topics and being prepared to talk about them when you come home and then last but not least is resources I know this was like okay you're giving me all this information but not like what can I do with it and where can I go to get some more help the best resources to contact your kids or yourself so for example if you your cat is going to play a new game or new video gamer use the new site encourage you to buy yourself websites for the game really just go to I feel for its cuz you know your child passed you know your parenting style your rules last night least you can make that decision for yourself Windows and Mac they're coming out with a lot of Great rule so that plants can have more control and where boundary is over you know Tech resources and Chucky says I'm so no parent controls and it's you can find that anywhere you can locate that. and then a couple websites like family Online safety into an international age rating and plugged in these are all websites that you can go to look at the rating go from professionals researchers psychologist to get together face can they research it is so much good work to really come up with really good reviews and ratings for the side in this is just a great way to check out these resources see if it's age-appropriate see if it's a good resource for you and your family to use together just trying to do good luck for yourself first and then come back that cyberbullying or is stop playing. predict it kind of happening with your kids your kids friends or so they want to sit down and have a conversation about 4 and try to keep that open conversation go away and then lasted at least there's always therapy Carly and I and I know what the new center opening we're always happy to explore tag balance and just really finding this you know anytime support that we can help with an r and also working with your parents and the kids out check balance in healthy check use more than happy to help and just one last point I don't know what my kids want a good day and that's it question that we make it at the end it's like okay so won't give me a time limit so I know so I can really just have a good gauge that is no definite answer that's been changed by family A good rule of thumb is no Anythink like homework is not really included or Old Lyme School either name but two hours if they're under the age of 10 have a good rule of thumb but really it's you know best I'm Yours your best and really just make a decision for yourself and I think next Markle kind of continue a talking about the older age Rich 111 other research that I think it's kind of related to the the hours of like kind of tech exposure that's really nice but I've heard about is called freedom and freedom is a website. I think you for like one year it's like 25 bucks so it's another fee but you get to limit how many minutes like you got going on a certain site and then once you put that cap and it gets green. How so enabling kind of Regulation strategy and also kind of giving them off, me in that like building that so to speak Sunrise I don't want to interrupt too much but headed over to Martha and can you pass privileges over to her Wednesday I think you have hoes or do I have it we haven't I think I gave it to Carly and I don't okay if you wouldn't mind because I am Zoom illiterate how I would surrender my great privileges okay Martha it's all you okay alright let's share this year okay can everybody see the slides ask all right actual my students have started saying that now cuz I always say perfect cuz I'm asking them thanks so much can you see me can you hear me can you hear this video can you see this line all right so I mean some of this is over because they did such a great job at for some of these things so we all know what YouTube is you know it's great for watching videos and things like that it's really big amongst you know the 13 to 18 year olds I think you know we're all pretty familiar with this it has a lot of ads it's been a lot of trouble with like commentary you know what what people comments on child Predators things like that there's no great way to filter or undesirable video content which is one of the problems with YouTube it's got some really great content on it and of course some some not so good Regatta the Snapchat and this is a really simple interface kids again teams really love this one I heard a lot of teams and I'm making like you know I was doing to my story and I had to learn what the heck does that mean what's the fastest way to publicly share snaps snaps is what they call him with all of their friends and when you add let me move my you guys are in the way of my my screen here let me move you guys over all right there we go so when you add snaps to your story the IP you're in a Chronicle logical order and it's like a little it's like your little life life movies so they kind of like like that the other thing about Snapchat that is that this is the one that you know you use Captain they go they go away right after you send the picture so the pictures don't last very long and the team's kind of lights that self-destruct feature you know because it gives them a sense of of safety to that these pictures will you know disappear we got Instagram this is another big one seems they love it again lot of spam elicit accounts but it's a good place to share photos and videos you can edit images use filters all that good stuff a lot of restaurants in the shops and things use Instagram as well WhatsApp I brought this one up with my team just a little while ago and she's like ah nobody really uses bad but it's just another way to text so do something that you might hear from them it's owned by this once owned by Facebook I believe yes yes Facebook owns this one as well one thing about this one in so you can text on it but you can also send videos Sherry location make video calls or sometimes I'll see teams using it just to make you know like video chats there's something called Kik I'm another messaging device is just one of the other fast and intuitive message apps used as an alternative to regular texting on with this one you're not sharing like a phone number are you sharing a username so sometimes I like Instagram accounts you'll notice that a lot of profiles also list like their Kik usernames and their bio so that that's the way to contact them privately Twitter pretty sure we're all fairly familiar with this one Tumblr is one that comes up a lot with t and sometimes as well this one or so that they're looking at it's a big like blogging site or fanfiction if you know you've got teens who like like anime and things like that people can write stories and post stories and things like that so one of the good things about it is that it's a nice way to you know really Express Yourself Express those ideas see blocks like that there's not how many ads there has been some adult content issues and I know all of the sites have been working to get better with that but it's an ongoing you no concern especially for us. of course this one's all about like the visual visual content and stories and then the text talk like my colleagues were talking about Tic Tac is the number one it's it's it's the king queen and everything in between saying right now is Tic Tac it's very very big and they they loved it and this one is you know if you walked in their bedrooms at night generally and therapy if they've got the screen in their face they're going to say I'm just watching videos so this one is really really really big and it it can become very addictive it can be really fun there is a lot of great content on it there's a lot of fun stuff you've heard about like Tik Tok challenges and dance challenges and singing challenges and some other really stupid challenges so one thing I added and I'll share this I'll share this slideshow with with you guys so that you can have beliefs and stuff to this to but it's they've got the clueless parents guide to understanding Tik Tok it is really helpful because they've been myself and I work with a lot of kids and teens who use these different platforms but I myself am not super into them I'm still in honored who likes to read like that the paper books turn the pages and stuff so but the tick tock is huge and I actually have started to you know I try to engage my daughter with it like what what kind of things do you like like what are you watching like show me some videos and now she'll bring it to me and she's showing me like silly animal videos and things like that one of the dangers that have popped up with this lately is it has to do with the algorithm that uses you know when you press on a video you put on some that you like you begin to get more of that and content or more of that kind of video so if you're already struggling with something like right now there has been a couple of articles that have come up with in the past week about teens with eating disorders and Tick Tock that it's really triggering that it's really triggering that behavior and they're having a lot of challenges with that so as with anything whether it's being Eating Disorders or self-harm or anything like that if you were already having a challenge in that area and you're pressing that kind of content even when it's labeled like my my recovery story or things like that or it's about sometimes there a lot despacito my healthier lifestyle but then it shows you know people you know working out a lot or exercising a lot and then we go back to the comparison thing where they're thinking okay well if she's exercising a lot maybe I should exercise a lot and it's just you know he fell down the rabbit hole so that's one thing to be aware of the Tik Tok can be a lot of fun but again you got to learn learn about that algorithm in and what it do you know so that we're more educated about what we're choosing all right we'll skip one of your concerns right now but we'll come back to it here and support being the most worried about anonymity so children can be Cyber Bullied or contact me who aren't who they say they are being distracted worried about the content of course inappropriate content and the reputation of course that the kids could be posting things online and we all know but even when you're applying for a job cuz we're talking about teens you know they're out there applying for things and applying for school and things like that and social media accounts do get jacked so that's something to be aware of that employ Bears and the instructors are people letting you into colleges they do look at things like that social Institute asked students what they wish their parents knew about social me and technology so here are some of the comments that the team said not all of it is bad and that it could be used for more purposes other than entertainment you can create a private account that only you and your friends can see sometimes technology helps bring kids closer together and Spa snooze an awareness not all of it is inappropriate you can't pause online games cuz sometimes we're like hey come here and sometimes you can't pause those when you can't save because they heard bad things about social media doesn't mean we follow that Trend it's not our entire lives but it's a big part of us and it's different than our childhood and that that has to be okay so good so I look at and social media was tough for me you know I'm a parent of four daughters now ranging from my youngest one is a step so she's all up in the social media game and then my next one is 21 and then I've got to step daughters who are 22 and 28 so you know especially for the younger ones generation has never grown up in a world that didn't have social meeting at the didn't have the internet you know some were thinking about genze they've not known anything different so social media and the Internet is just a tool like anything else you know I can it's really about the way that you use it and you can use it poorly or you can use it to be of benefit so it's just a tool it's just neutral so some of the benefits are staying connected meeting new friends sharing interests finding Community sharing your art your work your music and creative exploring and expressing yourself and then of course some of the bad you do have more exposure right to submit appropriate content possible to have exposure to dangerous people cyberbullying over sharing your personal information expensive advertisements privacy concerns identity theft and as my colleague said you know interference with sleep and exercise homework and family activities like this cartoon I've been too busy getting friended to make friends so what you starting now is get to know the apps and again that was tough for me because I wasn't as interested in them coming from you know being a child of the 80s you know so I had to get more familiar quest with diamond know what the heck they were talking about when they mentioned these different apps to get to know a little bit about them and then talk to your teens about how they use the internet what do they like best about it what do they not like really important to validate the positive things about it as well as the negative you know right away as parents we want to you know take things away and limit things and protective that me and I read about but for them so media is a big part of their existence and it's not going anywhere so how do we work with that you know when in a positive way for you can use this one for teens by teens are really text. this might be the one that you use for younger kids the digital well-being it limits inappropriate content and time spent on the app when you can not always going to be able to Blink can be friends with them slow down on the various platforms with an agreement about whether or not you will post or whether you'll respond to their posts so if they let you be their friend they may not want you responding to their stuff understandable you can put things you know in place like no screen times and even started small like no screens at the dinner table right no strings in the bedrooms after a certain time a new social media until your homework is done things like that but if you do things like that what my you know what my colleagues were alluding to a little while ago to is that you've got to be a good role model in that I can't be you know hypocritical they all you know I don't want you to you know using your phone when I'm using my phone so it's really important because they're laughing us all the time right so you've got to make sure that you are also following those rules that you put in place I'm talk about privacy settings you know make sure that they're turned on to limit access to personal info try to educate your teens on not to share full names addresses of Spectre and have their location enabled Services turned on us I know this was a big one for me when I started finding out you know if they can see where you are and all through snapchat or whatever like I don't think that's good I'm so I made sure that you know we had the like privacy talk and they and they turned off that feature there are some really good resources and I think they were provided a couple of these are provided to you a little while ago but they'll be on my slides that will be shared he also this Common Sense Media really great you can explore by age cell phone uses discussed guys to privacy and there's a English and Spanish version family Online safety in virtud connect safely and internet matters these are all really great resources that give you other tips or how to manage this stuff let's see if I can get out of here stop share and then one of the things that I found really help just for my own education which is come out recently on Netflix is the social dilemma which is a little documentary about how things like algorithms work and what it does you know to you know to our brains and how it can be a benefit and also harmful and it has some really big names in the text field talking about these things and even some developers of being up Facebook and things like that so if you haven't watched The Social dilemma I really recommend that I thought it was great and you may even want to watch that if you have older kids you know tweens and teens cuz it would be a benefit to them and that would be a great space to start talking about some of those issues in an oz judgemental way remember because teams are really there at the point where they're pulling away from us a little bit and that's normal and natural that's what we want them to be doing even though it feels bad and it hurts piano but that's that's what they're supposed to be doing it has been especially hard right now to connect during this pandemic they can't really get together and stuff so they're they're going to be using the screens but with the team's the biggest thing is to respect you know their opinion is such a fine find that we want to come we have Team Santos we want to keep them safe but we also have to walk that line of they are their whole development process right now is learning to be independent from us me and also we got a the respect to their opinions and what they have to say so I come at teens more with an attitude of curiosity like I'm really interested in what you like about it like tell me about it like show me how to use it like show me some cool videos you know and a great way to I think your teens also is just through what we call like casually connecting so I know this is going to sound like manipulative but I know that if I have to have like a bigger conversation with my teens I'm going to do casual connections I'm going to make sure that we've built up enough you know when that casually connecting Bank like hey how's it going today and and make sure that you have a connection with them enough on light connection and not just storm than with negative like we need why your social media use you know you know I'm going to make sure that I have a casual connecting thing and the easy things like when you're in the car ask them about their day make dinner together if they will play clean up clean up stuff together in a play the games together things like that so a lot of knowing what's going on with their social media usage starts with General connection and communication with them to suffer bring that relationship is going to get you a lot farther than hammering them about you no social media or anything else right away and then I can't it's all it's not going anywhere so it's all about education helping them be good consumers you know so you learning about yourself and then teaching them like okay well you're going to see some stuff that's not always great and some things are going to make you really uncomfortable some things might make you feel more anxious or depressed what happy is so there's a lot of cool stuff just know this stuff is out there too and what do you do when you see it you know so get them to use their critical thinking skills when they're using social media and also when you do feel uncomfortable or something you know makes you feel bad that you're watching then identify that and know how to disconnect from it you know how to just disengage with that in a healthy way and that's that's the best I've got for you right now so we can open up questions and, I think it's I think across-the-board it's important to show that that that you're buying into it as well and I think that allows kids to Chi try on different roles the bird example if your really excited about something and they're not red they're kind of switching roles and they're kind of like going back and forth so I think that's really helped healthy for development and I think all three of you really brought some great point so thank you so much does anyone have any just general questions or comments that they would like to kind of bring up we have like four or five minutes we kind of went a couple minutes over but it was certainly worth it there isn't then there isn't sometimes it just takes what time am I allowed to unmute you please and have a record of it yeah I'm trying to see then I'm sorry I wasn't able to I thought they couldn't get really appreciated some of that the input and I really I mean I have the people that don't know me I having a low I think that this 11 13 15 year old boys so I think a lot of sense to me and I'm experiencing a lot of I actually liked that a lot of your approach is Kinder gentler more open to the fact that they are independent and that in a couple of years are going to be off in college and so they don't learn now self self measurement thank you saying I'm going to take you off and give me that phone and whatever very very painful so I liked hearing that there is a a better way I'm not there yet so I feel like I'd love a whole other session just to get into more detail about some of those things with a 15 year old boy Etc night I made it one of it that's in a chat I didn't comment about the fact that sometimes I can even with the tick tock it's the political stuff I could get them in a bad mood that can upset them so they're seeing stuff that's upsetting and then they're trying to go to bed it's awful I just want to know like I and I know is is it terrible if my son just spent you know 10 hours today on on get names and social media and when I quit he said his bathing suit like YouTube and tick tock tick tock for months and now he's on YouTube like is a my I mean if everything else is okay like Grace inside and that's really a bad thing I really think it you know we're so hard on ourselves as parents my daughter is downstairs right now assuming with friends and playing at one of those games that win Charlie listed I think they're on whichever one was listed last I can remember the name of it right now but you know we're so hard on ourselves I think that like you mentioned and you just got to pay attention to their mood and what you know if grades are changing or moods are changing or you know what what they're watching with what you know they're putting in in their brains but some days are going to be a bigger media usage Dave and then another day you know know if if he was on for 10 hours every day and all the timer most days it might be you know what concern but you're going to have days like that so I'm just going to I'm trying make you feel like it's okay and you don't have to beat yourself up over at especially if if grades are going okay and you know he's doing well and feeling well but it's something to be aware of you know and also you know like the Carly and Lindsay saying about balance you know try to get outside and do other things while you're going to have days like that right so is it bad it was just one of those days and thank you normalizing that I see I think the largest part of my clients are actually teens and a lot of them will report spending eight to 10 hours a day so and you are not alone and there are many other teens are spending. Length of time on social media I'm instantly with the pandemic they had no other option like they couldn't go to their friend's basement to hang out for the for the Friday night and so we had to adapt and turn online and so I do believe. I see we're getting vaccinated we can go outside and I think is we moved those spring months in the summer months I think we'll start to see a shift as we go back to some version of normal but I think are are teens they have no other option on like dr. Macy mentioned during this time of identity development individuation does pure relationships are so important and so they're trying to get that need met for connection and whether it's tick tock or among the stones are the methods that they have access to right now among us thank you Carla those are great answers we have we have one more question I think and then maybe we'll do the survey I wish we could get more questions than but I know that all three of the panelists had said that you guys can email them and I'm happy to provide their emails if you had a burning question but then Lawler had a question she says statement in class I have kids at different ages I have found each of my kids react differently when we try to set limits how do how do we better navigate them how do how do we help navigate how did she navigate like being able to come off where she's all that Laney and I realize I'm like my grandma stinks okay my question here is really when my kids see me approaching so I have to have different tactics for each of them because they're just different and how they react and I know on react another but then they start to compare and they say well hi to you do this for them and not for me and so I'm trying to navigate this the relatively close in age 13 11 and 9 you know so my nine-year-old be like why do you let my thirteen-year-old do more than me cancel I mean most of these people don't know my children on the phone on this call but that's that's what we're trying to explain and navigate to I know I have to be a little bit different I can't have the same approach with each one of them cuz they react so different hiding spots so I think one thing that might be helpful as a starting point is I know you know kids are different so you have different approaches and especially if there's a if there's an age range like maybe the 9th of 13 one is a little bit of a jam from the 13 one year old child might get a little more privileges than the nine-year-old would listen to good starting point might be to Sedona make the girls together and for the kids to it's really interesting I'm sorry I got I live and an extra to a biker gang I think so if you hear motorcycles in the background. when kids are actually put given the task like ball you guys help come up with the rules for social media use or or whatever it is it's really interesting because the kids have to come up with stricter things and then even anime so that's one place to start it is you know having them come up with the ideas and and collaborate with each other and you and come up with a social media rules and then they can hold each other accountable and it's okay to have a little different rules depending on the age range to and once you get to be 13 you will also get this additional whatever you know if you can explain a little bit about development my kids love that not but I have to do it anyway because there's just a different stages that you guys are and have them come up with what the rules are I think you might have some success with that we we still have not allowed our kids to have any show Media yet so because we've we've learned that it's easier to Grant Privileges and to take them away until we really just about giving more until we feel like they're responsible our decisions around it but yeah the screen through how much is it bedtime and things like that. That would be like an across-the-board you know screen time type thing like when do we limit it and no in all screens at the dinner table you know an hour before bedtime we set them on the counter or whatever it is I've seen families to all different kinds of upper limits but getting them involved with it gets gets more of their buying rather than you telling them what it's going to be thank you do you have anything at any other ideas when's he's currently I just added Martha you did a great job of explaining that I think another really helpful tool is just normalizing the bush bag normalizing the protest settings screen time limit is going to be needed but also your valid weather going to be upset they're going to be frustrated they're probably going to maybe some back talk and allow that it's okay to be upset it's okay to be frustrated. It's not fair it's okay with me mad that your brother has more. you know your sister gets to do this you know it's okay that your friends and you have more time I think going into those conversations you know what they expecting in allowing that push back in that frustration will also make it more comfortable I'm conversation for the whole family unemployed adults fire in our home or maybe it's a tablet fire we put everything in the middle on the kitchen light table whoever grabs your device first has to do dishes or like by the family ice cream so young people feel like buying something for the family may not be a notch find me whatever that that feared thing in the house it's like picking up the dog poop washing the dishes phone in the laundry and that's kind of a funny way that we do it in my household related to Technologies you'll be surprised the level self-control you're willing to engage in when the dinner time dishes are on the line to take your back boy off of both those comments I think when we're just kind of expressing how they're feeling in the moment like oh my gosh yourself that I totally get why you might be upset this is really hard for you right and I think that sometimes that's hard when you're caught up in the in the in the whole van and you have a lot of emotions cuz you're graduating with them so I think the best a challenging moment but that's something that's helpful and I really love what all three of them said yeah alright so we have a survey it's like five questions I'm happy to just email it to everyone Dewey Chinese email give me a thumbs-up or like gas in the chat if you feel like that would be more helpful and a better use of your time what are we saying couple thumbs up okay so what I'll do is I'll just send the survey it's like five or six questions we would love to just get your feedback it's completely Anonymous so no one's going to know I'm not going know who put it down on we just want to know what you what you all thought so hopefully you all enjoy this and thank you for R3 to R3 panelist announced that maybe you can send that along with the absolutely great and then you'll have their emails if you want to chat with them or something call well thanks for thanks thanks for joining everyone and play you took something away from this and maybe we'll see you at school soon thank you problem bye bye thank you

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